Ahmad Al Charif

The human race is in a constant state of evolution, so to speak. The things that we used to do as children, are not even a remote possibility to the children of today, and this has been true for a number of generations past.

But most people take that for granted, believing that it is the way of the world, and that change is inevitable. While i agree that change is not only unavoidable, but in most cases necessary, i was faced with a question that rendered me restless for a few days: Who controls this change?

Is it the majority of society, that is awarded the privilege of shaping our future as individuals? Is it our political leaders, with their never ending cycle of conflicts and ever so changing interests? Or could it be, none of the above all together? Is it possible that we as human beings are merely stray leaves floating about this mighty river we call life, and that it is all set in motion by forces and powers bigger than any of us?

In my crazed attempts to live a full life, dictated to me by all forces external to myself, i found myself scrambling to keep up. Always running somewhere, worrying about things i thought that mattered, but never walking aimlessly, to enjoy the moment itself. The end result? Exhaustion, lack of satisfaction, and grave disappointment.

As an experiment, a few years ago i decided to stop, and make my own decisions. I took the day off, rescheduled all appointments, forwarded all my calls, and informed people close to me i will be out for the day, and they should not worry.

Let me tell you one thing to begin with, my brain did not like what i was doing at all. At 12 o’clock, i was sitting in a park overlooking beautiful green scenery, birds chirping joyfully, the sun shining ever so brightly above, and all i could think of, were the things i left behind.

I could not bring myself to enjoy the moment, because the idea of being present in a moment, and living at peace was so alien to me that my brain rejected it completely. I found myself worrying about work, obsessing over my health issues, and occupying myself with trying to resolve ongoing family conflicts in my head.

It took everything in my power, to let go. To just be there in that moment. To feel peace. And by 4 pm that day, i felt like a new man.

I walked around, allowing my feet to take me wherever my eyes desired. When i felt hungry i beckoned my belly to lead the way, and when i felt tired i parked my butt at the nearest bench, and just breathed a sigh of relief as i sank into the pleasant memories i no longer usually care to recall.

I visited some relatives i had not seen in years, caught up with a friend i usually schedule only when i have to. And all the while, i found myself naturally smiling, unaffected by traffic, angry people picking fights, or anything else for that matter. I was just plain happy.

Later on that night, i sat at my desk, and calmly made a list of things i would like to be doing with my life, which i was not. I did not allow for judgement, or for rational thinking to stand in my way. Only a list, of the things i miss doing. Surprisingly, the list included many things from my childhood.

Now, years later i revisit this memory, and i find it playing in my head like a lucid dream. So detailed, yet so light and distant. Granted, i have a lot of obligations, and i am nowhere near achieving my list completely, but at least i am getting there.

We are all going to die one day. Having said that, and if god forbids that day is today for you, do you have any regrets? Is there anything you feel you should have done with your life, which you didn’t?

Think long and hard about that, there are many things we tend to do for no other reason than that everybody else is living that way; or more bluntly, for the sake of money. But we are not all meant to be successful businessmen/women, and we will not all be happy living that life. At some point, compromises have to be made, within yourself.

Happiness, is out there. Truly within grasp, to anyone who chooses to reach out and grab for it.

Take a day off. Find a close by park, where you can once again gain control over your brain. Make that choice, in order to get your life together, and ultimately one day, be truly happy…